Real Life You Can't Put in Your Novel

I've been thinking, over the past few weeks, of things that happen to us that would never make it through editing in your romance novel. And, I'm trying to figure out how I could write them in one of mine.

• Your heroine finds her first gray pubic hair.


• Your heroine starts her period while in bed with the hero. (Okay, this rates on the squick meter, so maybe I won't use this one, but I often wonder why women never have periods in romance novels unless it's required in order to show that they aren't pregnant.)


• Your H/H (either one) sneezes, and a booger comes out for a visit.


• In a moment of spontaneous sex, you heroine realizes that she hasn't shaved her legs in a week.


• The hero wakes the heroine up for some nookie in the morning and she rolls away saying, "Ugh. Morning breath."

Most of the stuff that bugs me about real life vs. novels is that missing icky stuff that always happens, yet never gets mentioned. I suppose that we read to escape, but sometimes I wonder what's really going through the hero's mind when, after a week on the lam in the jungles of Brazil when he and the dark-haired heroine can't fight their feelings anymore, and begin foreplay on the leaf-covered ground. He whips off her clothes and looks at her trim, curvaceous body ... and she's covered in stubble from head to toe.

Am I the only one who wonders?