Friday, November 10, 2006

Nano Day Ten - Ramblings of a Mad Woman

Collecting quotations is an insidious, even embarrassing habit, like ragpicking or hoarding rocks or trying on other people's laundry. I got into it originally while trying to break an addiction to candy. I kicked candy and now seem to be stuck with quotations, which are attacking my brain instead of my teeth. ~Robert Byrne, The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, "Sources, References, and Notes," 1984

Nothing like having a quote about quotes, is there? And the reason for that is because I have nothing much to talk about today (though I will post writing totals after I've written something), so I thought I'd share a little bit about me.

Where I'm from:




You Know You're From California When...


The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.



Where I traveled to meet my husband:




You Know You're From Colorado When...


People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.

You have absolutely no recognizable accent.

If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it "muggy".

You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town.

You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life

You think 5-points is a ghetto.

You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.

You say things like "I don't care how big Golden is,
it's still a one-horse town".

You think only stupid people get lost in your town.

When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.

During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding".

You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.

If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.

You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.

You have a broken windshield.

You see no reason to travel to Aurora.

The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.

You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.

You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.

You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.

You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.

You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.

You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.

You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.

You think gun control is a steady hand.

You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.

You've stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.

You're a meat eating vegetarian.

You think the major food groups are Boulder Bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.

You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate your local sports team's victory.

You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

You know the correct pronunciation of Buena Vista.

When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

Your car insurance costs more than your car.

You have surge protectors on every outlet.

April showers bring May blizzards.

You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.

"Timberline" is someplace you have actually been. Many times.

You know what a "Chinook" is. You know what a "rocky mountain oyster" is. You know what a "fourteener" is. But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.

A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.

Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.

People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

Thunder has set off your car alarm.

A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.

"Where we're going, we don't need roads!"

You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.

You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'

You've used "checking for ticks" as an excuse to get someone naked.

You've gone skiing in July. You've gone sunbathing in January. They were both in the same year.

You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream

You know the elevation of a town, but not its population.

You never pack away your coat and sweaters.

You can name only two people you know who were actually born in Colorado.

You call tumbleweed "groundcover".

You love your Broncos, your Avs, your Rockies, Nuggets - well you can't have everything.

You or someone you know plays golf 12 months of the year.

You don't have AC in your home, but you use it in your car all winter long.

If it snows in the morning you expect it to be gone by lunchtime.

You can name the states that make up the Four Corners.

You know what and where the Continental Divide is.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Colorado.



Where we live now:




You Know You're From New Hampshire When...


You say "wicked" instead of "really."

Your idea of a good meal is Katie's Country Kitchen

You drive a Suburu

Half of your clothes are from L.L. Bean

You rather vacation in New Zealand than Florida

Motorcycle Weekend is the highlight of your summer

When you take your yearly trip into Boston, you "pak ya cah in Havad Yad"

"Vacation" means going to Burlington for the weekend.

You go out of state and don't understand what "tax" means on your receipt

You think of the major food groups as venison, beer, fish, and berries.

You refer to the Patriots as "we".

You can identify a Massachusetts accent.

You can visit Berlin, New London, Bethlehem, Lisbon, Lebanon and Dublin all in one afternoon.

Down South to you means Boston.

You consider Manchester exotic.

You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Ballantine Ale.

You can actually pronounce Kancamagus.

You know what a bubbler is.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.

You go out for fish fry every Friday.

You can recognize someone from Massachusetts from their driving.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from New Hampshire.



Where we're planning to move (after reading it, it appears I have much to learn):




You Know You're From Missouri When...


Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip."

"Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.

Down south to you means Arkansas.

The phrase, "I'm going to the Lake this weekend," can mean only one thing.

You know what "Party Cove" is. (If you know where, you are a boating party animal)

You think Missouri is pronounced with an "ah" at the end.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis Only)

You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.

You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.

You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.

You think "frog gigging" should be an Olympic sport.

You think Imo's is larger than Pizza Hut.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.

All your radio preset buttons are country.

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Missouri.

3 comments:

anno said...

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

Oh yes, I remember that. Also, the wearing of fur coats and shivering when the temperatures drop into the low 50s.

Tori Lennox said...

Those are great! But I'd have to have even more than you! *g* I've lived LOTS of places...

Melissa said...

I'm not native to Missouri, but I've been here long enough to nod along to most of that list.