Friday, February 05, 2010

A Day Off and a Funny

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. ~Dereke Bruce

Taking a break today, but I leave you with this (which you may have seen, but it makes me laugh every time I read it ... because it's SO TRUE):

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


You Are a Thunderstorm

You are a bit temperamental and unpredictable. You have a lot of pent up energy.

You don't strike often, but when you do it can be deadly. You can be extremely destructive.

People find you to be amazing and awesome. You can be a bit scary at times, but that just adds to your appeal.

You tend to get other people excited whenever you're riled up. You aren't usually the only storm in town.

Um... okay. I actually DID have someone tell me I was scary yesterday, lol... hmmm...



Ceri Hebert said...

That is way too funny! Must share!!

Sarita Leone said...

I hope you have a GREAT day off! :)

groovyoldlady said...

RElaaaaaaaax and enjoy...and watch out for cats at the top of the stairs!

MomJane said...

Too true as we both know. Have a great day.

Maria Zannini said...

Good girl! Put those tootsies up.

Ref: joke
This is one of my all-time favorites.

anno said...

Love this!
Enjoy your break today; hope you find some time for dreams and desires as well as for all those things you have to do.

Tori Lennox said...

The pet diaries always make me laugh too. :)

Brandy said...

Have a great, relaxing, day off! Enjoy!
The dog and cat diaries are hilarious. Except change mine for kitties to say the same as doggies for food. My kitties are little piggies. *g*

Have an enjoyable day!

My quiz results: You are a Blizzard-was so far off it was crazy!)