Friday Funny

That's all for your well-wishes for the fridge. I cleaned it and tinkered with the thermostat a bit and it seems to have helped... for now. It's old, so I know it's only a matter of time

For now, though, I leave you with some funnies:


Sounds like a typical, brilliant decision by your local politician.


Civil War planes? Let me know how that works out.


Must have been a GREAT paint job.


"We had no idea anyone was buried there."


I didn't know we could choose.


Thanks for the depth of insight.


What are the odds of that?


I would have guessed after age 19.

Hope this started your weekend off with a laugh! Have a great one.
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Ads We'll Never See Again!

Because I'm trying to get used to getting up before the crack of dawn again, and because last night both DD and DH wouldn't let me get to sleep (why doesn't a closed door and no light on mean "I'm in bed, leave me alone"?... They apparently think it means, "Please, come in, sit on the bed and let's have a conversation.") so I didn't even close my eyes until after eleven, meaning my alarm at 4 a.m. came WAY too early and now I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone think coherently, I give you "ADS WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN:









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You Are Driven

Of all the types, you are the most energetic and vibrant. You just go for it. You know how to get results. You have momentum and ambition in your side. Gutsy and brave, you've never let your fears stop you from doing anything. You are in control. You are very involved in the world. You say yes to every opportunity and invitation.

What's Your Power?

Hmmm... yeah, pretty much.

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A Little Weird-ness

Nothing much going on here ... just prep for the hurricane which is tracking pretty much right over my house. I'm hoping it's all an awful lie.

Otherwise, my friend, Michele and I were discussing Weird Al today (don't ask). A million years ago, I actually met the man. My friend, Cathy, had won backstage passes to the pool party for the Monkees "Pool It" tour, and Weird Al was their opening act.

I was a huge Monkees fan from way back and couldn't WAIT to meet them (Mike Nesmith wasn't there, of course, but the other three were). I was so disappointed.

Davy Jones was a snob. Mickey wasn't much better. Peter Tork was sweet but distracted. But then... there was Weird Al. What an AWESOME guy. He took time to talk to everyone like he was just people, yanno? Nice, well-spoken, interesting. The guy's a genius (seriously... he has a ridiculously high IQ) but so nice.

In his honor, I give you the video for the song that started it all this morning, "Like A Surgeon".



Enjoy.

Have a wonderful weekend! Hopefully I'll be back on Monday declaring that Irene fizzled and went out to sea. Monday is DD's first day at school, and we'd really like it to go smoothly...

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You Are Driven

You prefer to be around others, both when working and while relaxing. You are very socially oriented. You are disciplined. You don't let yourself lose focus and get distracted. You couldn't be someone else even if you tried! You're simply you - and thank goodness for that. You are a born idealist, with more pet causes than you can count. You are determined to change the world.

The Lighthouse Test

About 50/50...

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzz......

I'm far too tired to be coherent, so for today, I leave you with this:



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Truths and Trees and Trinkets

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~ Author Unknown

So ... we took down three more trees yesterday -- all oaks. Two were fairly small, but one was huge and it was oh-so much fun moving brush and piling logs. I just kept saying, "I'm going to be so glad in the winter when I'm toasty warm." over and over. I wasn't entirely convinced of that, though, when it started to rain on us while we worked. *sigh*

DD has decided she wants her own laptop. So, that's her next "I'm saving for" item. The computer she uses now is my old, old desktop (from six or seven years ago). It's functional but incredibly slow. I've told her that just because she *might* get a laptop, she doesn't get to have it in her room. We'll see. She keeps getting tempted by other things (most recently, she stumbled on last year's Holiday Barbie on sale for only $15 and bought it), so the laptop may not happen for awhile.

I did put up a pile of new jewelry on her ArtFire site last week. For some reason, I really like these earrings:



DD's favorites from what I uploaded were these:



She's busily at work making Christmas earrings. I bought her a bunch of red and green Swarovski Crystal beads as well as small white ones. They're SO pretty and sparkly... I can't wait to see what she does with them.

And now, without further ado I give you for your daily giggle ...

Truths:

1. A best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. Map Quest really needs to start directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

6. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

7. Bad decisions make good stories.

8. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

9. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

10. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

11. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

12. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

13. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

14. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

15. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

16. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

17. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

18. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Have a great Monday!

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You Are the Left Side of the Brain

You are a logical and orderly person. You have a system for almost everything in your life. You like to stay busy, and it's important that you stay on task. You prefer to do one thing at a time. You are rational and detail oriented. You love to analyze, and you have a head for numbers. You are also good with words. You love to read, and you've been known to write well.

What Side of the Brain Are You?

Yep. That one is right on...

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Saturday Sauntering

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. ~Ambrose Bierce

DH got up yesterday, looking through the pantry and fridge before settling on ice cream for breakfast.

I said, "Ice cream for breakfast?"

He replied, "Nothing else to eat."

I looked up from my yogurt and strawberries, DD glanced over from where she was cooking eggs and I thought about the three kinds of cold cereal, the oatmeal, yogurt, eggs, pancake mix and loaf of bread for toast or french toast. And then just said, "Huh."

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DH's phone rang at 3:13 a.m. today. Problem at work (as always), and he's still up. So am I. There are days (so many days) I wish we could have him leave his position. I swear, it's slowly sucking away his sanity.

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Did a little writing yesterday. Had fun. I think one of the reasons I typically write stuff that's humorous is because it gives me a chance to giggle. I love thinking, "What's the craziest thing that could happen here?" and then letting my brain run wild.

Hopefully, I'll get this done soon -- it's the new sequel to "Kitchen Matches" (the old one being changed to a completely different story with a new cast of characters), and involves Zach and a cherub... okay, Zack and a wedding planner, but you get the idea.

Am going to try to write more today.

As a side note, every time I write that I'm going to "try" to do anything, I hear Yoda in my brain: "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

*sigh*

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You Are Conventional

You are a pretty average guy or girl next door, and you live a pretty blissful life because of it. You fit in with almost any crowd, and you have a lot of people who you consider to be good friends. You are happy with your life, and it's likely you feel quite blessed. You don't let yourself feel dissatisfied. You have an optimistic attitude that has served you well. By staying positive, you are better off then most people.

The Zebra Test

Hmmm... 50/50

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A Day Off and a Funny

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. ~Dereke Bruce

Taking a break today, but I leave you with this (which you may have seen, but it makes me laugh every time I read it ... because it's SO TRUE):

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

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You Are a Thunderstorm

You are a bit temperamental and unpredictable. You have a lot of pent up energy. You don't strike often, but when you do it can be deadly. You can be extremely destructive. People find you to be amazing and awesome. You can be a bit scary at times, but that just adds to your appeal. You tend to get other people excited whenever you're riled up. You aren't usually the only storm in town.

What Kind of Storm Are You?

Um... okay. I actually DID have someone tell me I was scary yesterday, lol... hmmm...

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A Day of Rest

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. ~Woody Allen

I slept poorly last night, and am very tired. So, am going to take the day off of blogging today.

But heck, I can't leave you without something to make you smile:



or this:



There's just something about baby laughter...

Have a Happy Sunday!

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Monday Morning Meme and more

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut



1. What was the last thing you laughed at? Would you say you have a great sense of humor? What sorts of things make you laugh in general? Would you say people “get” your humor?

This email was the last thing I laughed at:

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

I have an odd sense of humor. I'm more "Frasier" than Adam Sandler or Three Stooges. I appreciate a good pun, and liberally sprinkle my conversation with sarcasm. Some people get it, some don't.

2. How many pieces of jewelery are you wearing at this very moment? Do you wear jewelry every day, or only on special occasions? What is your favorite piece of jewelery? Tell us the story behind one piece of your jewelery.

Um... wedding ring and two pairs of earrings: diamond studs and usually silver hoops. Does a watch count? That's pretty much what I wear daily. I really don't wear necklaces or bracelets and my ears are the only thing I have pierced. My fave jewelry would be my wedding ring. Story? Um... the diamond earrings I wear in the top hole in my ears were from my DH. I wanted little bitty chips (maybe an 1/8th carat total?), and he refused to get me something that small. I think the ones I have are 1/4 carat, but I gotta be honest -- it really doesn't matter to me. I am SO not a jewelry person. If I could find good, cheap, fake jewelry that wouldn't tarnish, I'd be all over it. Who cares if it's real?

3. If you could offer one piece of etiquette advice that everyone should follow when dining out, what would it be?

I have to admit to leaning toward how your treat the waitstaff... but that's probably because I was one for so many years. Pay attention to them, they really are people. I typically make folks who eat out with me laugh, because I'll carry on long conversations with the servers, but I remember being ignored or treated like a piece of furniture, and that stinks.

You might also take your kids outside if they are screaming, turn off your cell phone and don't talk like the person with you is deaf.

Wait... you asked for one, didn't you? ::shrugs::

4. What are the first three things a guest would notice when they walked through your front door?

Once they got through the Dakota leaping, crying, barking, licking greeting? The stairs (the door pretty much opens on them, the living room and the TV room. I don't have any fancy furniture or paintings or knick-knacks. Sorry.

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Favorite line I wrote for my JaNoWriMo challenge yesterday (from "A Jewel for Geoff")... Liv has just run into Geoff (much to his dismay). And she says:

“Geoff, I need advice.” She grabbed his sleeve and tugged him to the chairs that lined the wall, shoving him into one. “Okay, now pretend you’re a man.”

Ouch.

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RE: My Big Fat Greek Wedding...the votes were as follows:

Chick Flick: 5

Comedy: 2

People who haven't seen it, but thought it was a chick flick: 2

Hmmmm..... I guess the votes reflect that it's a truly funny chick flick that both men and women can enjoy.

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