Monday, January 29, 2007

Nightmares and Memes

“Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.” - Mahatma Gandhi

DD woke me earlier than usual this morning -- about 3:15 a.m. She'd had a nightmare (again) about the family being kidnapped by "a very mean ghost". I snuggled up with her for a little bit until she went back to sleep, but I was awake by then, or at least my body was. My brain? Not so much.

So... since I can't think very clearly yet (I've only just started on my first cup of coffee), I give you a cheat and a meme.


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
And the meme from Judy:

Rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following…They must be REAL places, names, things…NOTHING made up! If you can’t think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same
1st initial. You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Marianne

1. Famous Athlete: Mario Lemieux
2. 4 letter word: mink
3. Street name: Main
4. Color: Maroon
5. Gifts/presents: milk chocolate
6. Vehicles: Mercedes
7. Tropical Locations: Maui
8. College Majors: Medicine
9. Dairy Products: milk
10. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Mirror (?)
11. Boy Name: Michael
12. Girl Name: Marie
13. Movie Titles: March of the Penguins
14. Alcohol: Midori
15. Occupations: Model
16. Flowers: marigold
17. Celebrities: Marie Antionette
18. Magazines: Ms.
19. U.S. Cities: Mt. Aukum, CA
20. Pro Sports Teams: Magic
21. Something Found in a kitchen: Masher
22. Reason for Being Late: My alarm didn't go off
23. Something You Throw Away: milk carton
24 Things You Shout: Make Me! (LOL)
25. Cartoon Character: Mickey Mouse
Tag! You're it!


Allie Boniface said...

OK, I LOVE the pet letter. It's perfect! (or is that purr-fect?)

Charity said...

Okay, I played the name meme. Thanks!

Tori Lennox said...

Wow. I'm in awe that you were able to come up with something for every category. M is obviously a very versatile letter. *g*

tjrgr - take just roger's green rolls-royce