Wednesday, December 01, 2010

A Note to Fathers With Girls

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown

I think my clock was missing a few hours yesterday -- because I sure didn't get anything done before it said it was bedtime. I have got to figure out how to better manage my time...

DD is feeling very insecure about her hair. She asked me a half dozen times yesterday if I really thought she looked good with shorter hair (she does -- it makes her look grown up... maybe I should make her keep her hair long?) and I reassured her.

Then DH comes home, and I know he was just joking, but it was really bad timing on his part. He hadn't seen her haircut the day before, so last night said: Wow! Your hair is chopped... looks like you got in a fight with a weed-whacker and lost.

I swear, I wanted to hit him.

Here's the thing. I don't think men can really understand how deeply sensitive girls tend to be, especially about their appearance. I can remember many, many times something was said to me in jest (like my stepfather saying, "Have another serving of mashed potatoes, my plump little dove." or my drama teacher saying -- when he came upon me eating a candy bar -- "You aren't going to put on any more weight before the production are you?") that really tore down my self-esteem.

I've talked to him about it, and sometimes I see him make an effort (last weekend when we went to the confirmation and were all dressed up, he mentioned that he had the two best-looking girls with him, and DD giggled and preened), but then he wrecks it all.

So -- any men out there with daughters... please be aware that even when you're joking, and even when we know you're joking, it still erodes away at our self-confidence.


You Are Balanced

You are a peaceful and content person. You don't ask too much of yourself or those around you.

You are confident and self-assured. You never try to be someone you're not - you believe that you are enough.

You have a healthy skepticism about the world. You don't buy into a lot of mainstream values.

You've found a better way to live - through deep reflection and understanding yourself.

And again I respond: HAHAHAHAHA... no. Okay, some is right, but when I see the first sentence all I can think of is, uh NO.



Maria Zannini said...

Agh! That man! I'd feed him chocolate chip cookies with Ex-Lax.

I hope he tried to apologize.

Poor DD.

Marianne Arkins said...

Maria, he was clueless. And when I mention things he just says she needs to toughen up.

Argh. Men.

Dru said...

Give DD an extra hug from me.


re quiz: I'm balanced and it's 95% accurate.

Have a good Wednesday.

Joanna St. James said...

well he is kinda right *ducks* I grew up with brothers and they tormented me to no end and since tattling was also uncool I had to endure it alone. It made me stronger but that is just how guys are at least she has u to even things out.

Marianne Arkins said...

Dru, I'm endlessly amused that we get the same answers to our quizzes so often and we're such different people! *G*

Joanna, I don't deny she needs to toughen up. I guess the difference IMHO is this: a daughter needs to know that her father admires her, is proud of her, and thinks she's beautiful. If she has that kind of support, then what other people say doesn't matter so much.

I always knew my dad loved me (he used to sing "You Are So Beautiful" to me all the time -- made me squirm as a kid, but it made a world of difference).

Brandy said...

I agree with your belief. Dad's should be supportive, loving and tell their Daughters they are beautiful, especially at that age. The reality is though, that men do not grow up with that gene. My Mom used to say men are wired differently and she was right. My hubs told my Daughter he really liked her hair when she had chopped off to donate last time. Me? I cried. *g* Of course we also laughed like loons the first time a boy called her. It was more like hysterical laughter, but... probably not as supportive as we should have been.

You Are Bouncy
You are an energetic and adventurous person. You're game for just about anything.
You are also highly idealistic, though your ideals change frequently and unpredictably.
You are spontaneous and inspired. You never stay bored for long - there's too much to be excited about.
You are very playful and enthusiastic. You can't help but be lighthearted and merry!

Yes and no.

I hope you're having nice day!

Tori Lennox said...

Oh, man, I fear I would have lit into him for that. Men are so clueless!

Keri Mikulski said...

My hubby and I have this conversation all the time. Especially in regards to the differences between coaching boys and girls. I grew up with a brother and dad.. Heard the weed wacker comment plenty of times. :)

Ceri Hebert said...

AMEN!!!! I see it all the time and it drives me nuts. Sometimes I just don't get the male sense of humor.