Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What, Where, When, Why, How with Barbara Meyers

Give a warm welcome and hearty howdy to today's guest, Barbara Meyers!

What super power would you choose?

Super Keen Vision. I never needed glasses my whole life and I’d always heard if you don’t need glasses by the time you’re 40, you’ll need them shortly thereafter, which is what happened to me. Yes, I know there are much worse conditions I could have and believe me, I’m grateful that this is my one humanoid “defect.” But it is endlessly annoying. My husband, a glass-wearer from about the age of nine, insisted I needed bi-focals and wouldn’t believe I didn’t until the eye doctor told him so. My distance vision is almost perfect, but fine print, computer screens, the cash register at work, even food on my plate is fairly blurry without a pair of cheaters. I can’t see the print on my cell phone. God help me if I end up without one of my many pairs of glasses in a restaurant. A companion has to hold the menu for me across the table. Shopping is a pain. I can’t see the size or price tags without glasses. Sometimes I feel like the visual-deficient counterpart to the Karate Kid. Glasses on. Glasses off.

Included with my Super Keen Vision would be Eyes In The Back Of My Head. It wouldn’t help me now, because my kids are grown, but it might come in handy if I ever have grandchildren. I could also see if my dog is secretly laughing at me behind my back.

And I want Super X-Ray vision, also. My eyes could laser through the refrigerator and freezer doors and determine if there’s anything in either of them that I can throw together for dinner or if a trip to the grocery store is required. In a sub-section of Super X-Ray vision, I would also have the power to create a possible dinner menu from anything that already exists in the freezer or fridge. This would come in handy in locating items in my overcrowded spice shelf and disorganized pantry.

I’d like to be able to program Super Keen Vision to focus in on anything I’m looking for or have misplaced at any given time. Like my glasses.

When is the worst time for someone to call you?

I hate it when the phone rings when I’ve rented a good movie and I’m all settled in to watch it with my bowl of popcorn and blankie. Usually, (if it isn’t one of those annoying telemarketers offering to refinance my mortgage or find my cheaper car insurance) it’s my daughter or a friend and since there is a “pause” button on the remote, as a general rule I’ll choose to talk and allow my cozy time to be interrupted because people in my life are more important than any old movie. I also hate it if I’m watching a favorite TV show. I don’t have TiVo. I’m not techie at all. If I miss it, I miss it. But I’ll still choose chatting with family or friends over the TV show. I’ll catch the rerun and it will all be new to me. People tell me I sound angry when I answer the phone, but that’s only because I get so many telemarketing calls on my land line I always think it’s someone trying to sell me something when it rings.

Where was the last beach you went to?

Seagate Beach in Naples, Florida. It’s a turn-off right before you enter Clam Pass Park (the one with the boardwalk with the trams that take you out across the mangroves to the beach). There’s a pretty curved drive (Seagate Drive?) to get to the small parking lot. There are always people jogging, walking dogs and riding bikes along the road. Of course, I have a beach parking permit because I live here. I love walking down the brick walkway to the beach. The entry is marked by giant boulders. Sea oats and sea grapes are roped off. The county tries to protect the vegetation to prevent beach erosion. There are a lot of water birds along the shore. Egrets, gulls, sandpipers. I’m not sure when sea turtle egg-laying season is, but during that time there are sea turtle egg nests cordoned off as well. Every time I go there, it doesn’t matter what day of the week or what time of day, I see the same woman jogging. Up and down the beach. Up and down. Up and down. I wonder if that’s all she does. 24/7. She’s brown as a button. She laps me easily. At the pace I walk, it’s about 45 minutes to Clam Pass and back.

Why do spaceships need mufflers?

So they don’t get pulled over by the Space Shuttle and ticketed for disturbing the peace.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll pop?

Sadly, I am like the owl in the old commercial. I can suck on a Tootsie-Roll pop until there is only a thin layer of the hard outer shell, but then I have to bite into it because to me, that’s the best part. You have to leave some of the crunchy to eat with the chewy center, or really, what’s the point? I don’t think anyone knows how many licks it takes. No one can resist biting into it before they actually reach it.

Originally from southwest Missouri, Barbara Meyers now lives in a posh southwest Florida community filled with golf courses and country clubs. She is still married to her first husband and her two children survived to adulthood in spite of her inept mothering skills. Her latest book, the sweet and spicy romantic comedy, A MONTH FROM MIAMI, is available in both digital and print formats. Her previously published work includes a short story and two squeaky clean romantic comedies. She spends her non-writing time working on her goal of becoming the oldest living barista at the local Starbucks. She may also be found sneaking into a nearby gated community to walk her dog or meandering along the beach having conversations with her fictional characters.

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Anonymous said...

Fun interview!!!

Brandy said...

I've worn glasses or contacts my whole life and my hubs has perfect vision. I know the reverse of where you come from, but I would love that super keen vision, too! *G* Great interview!