Self-Esteem and Storms

Self-respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased. It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated out of public relations. It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments, in quiet places, when e suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it; knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it. ~Whitney Griswold

So ... yesterday was my craziest yet, and I am going to STAY HOME today, dang it. Sorry, Sarita, though flowers ARE blooming in my garden, I haven't had any time to just go and enjoy them all week long. I have high hopes for the weekend... though I expect I'll be spending much of it taking pictures of jewelry. Angelina, if you like danglies, you're going to LOVE most of the earrings DD's made.

So yesterday ... first a little backstory that I'm too tired to weave skillfully into the current story (*G*): DD has been having serious self-esteem issues lately. She thinks she's ugly, fat, stupid, useless... she's VERY emotional and quite a drama queen, even on the best days, but the past week or so I've found her puddled on the floor more than once, crying so hard she can't breathe. Yeah ... it's been fun. ::rolls eyes::: I've done my best damage control, but I'm MOM and when MOM says you're pretty, it doesn't count as much. Moms HAVE to say you're pretty. Oy. We've discussed how brutally honest I am. "When I don't like what you're wearing or how your hair looks, do I tell you?" ... "Yes." ... "If I thought you were ugly, I might not say THAT to your face, but I wouldn't lie and tell you that you were beautiful, would I?" ... "No." ... "Okay, then listen to me: you're beautiful." And she really is... inside and out (which is another thing I try to emphasize).

*sigh*

Yesterday, we had to go out by our mall anyway because she had to do something at her new school, so I made a day of it (well, half a day anyway), and we did some power shopping, because nothing makes you feel as good as new clothes (and since she's pretty well outgrown what she has, it needed doing anyway). We got her a new tankini (that was HARD ... they're mostly either too low ... because my 12 y.o. needs a neckline that plunges to her navel, right?) or the cups are too big (she wears womens sizes, but doesn't have a woman's figure yet). I'm a sucker ... we bought black bottoms (a cute skirt one) at L.L. Bean, but couldn't find a matching top in her size, so bought tops at Sears. Yes... topS... as in two. Because I couldn't say no.

Then off the Macys -- I love their sale racks: good clothes at low prices. :-) We bought a pile of new shirts (she had SO much fun at home later trying everything on ... a little fashion show).

It helped some, I think. Last night she came over en route to bed and said: "Mom, I've decided I am pretty. Thanks for telling me that."

Hope it sticks.

In weather news, we got PUMMELLED yesterday. As we were leaving the school, the skies got black as night. It was a little scary, and all I wanted was to get home. Then some thunder rumbled ... and about ten mins from home all hell broke loose. The wind was insane! Trees were bending over 'til they were nearly horizontal and there are a LOT of trees here. I kept saying, "Please don't let a tree fall on me." because I was pretty sure it would happen. I've NEVER seen the trees bend that much. Then the rain!! THE RAIN!! It dumped so hard, heavy and fast when I was about five minutes from home that I could NOT see. I probably should have pulled over, but Dakota was home alone, and I'd left windows open. I crept down our street, praying nothing would run out in front of me ... I could see car lights, but if a dog, or a deer or (God forbid) a kid had crossed the road, it might have been dicey.

We made it home, mopped up the mess from the open windows and waited for it to pass. It was, without a doubt, one of the worst storms we've had in years.

I am grateful for the water though. We were desert dry. And... even better? It cooled it off. We're only supposed to be in the high 70s today. YAY!!

Any excitement in your lives you want to share?

Have a great weekend!

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You Are a Black Eyed Pea

You are a naturally energetic person, and you've always done things in your own, wacky way. You know that you'll never fit in perfectly, and you never really even tried. Most people consider you to be extremely lucky. You may find friends hanging around you hoping that your luck will rub off a little. You've done well for yourself in life. You know how to thrive, and you're good at keeping pests away.

What Type of Bean Are You?

Um... okay? Maybe? ::shrugs::

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Morning Light Show

There's always a period of curious fear between the first sweet-smelling breeze and the time when the rain comes cracking down. ~Don Delillo

Wow... huge storm blew through first thing this morning. LOUD thunder (woke up everyone in the house), hard rain... my internet was spotty, lights flickering.

But it's over now, at least for a bit. Radar shows another storm about an hour behind.

I spent yesterday moving plants. I swear, some day I'll be happy with how my flower gardens look. Maybe. I worked on my front garden, the one that cooks everything. I planted the daisy, moved chives from one side to the other, moved echinacea from the one side where it's big and thriving, to the other where it's still rather limping along. I moved gallardia from where it shouldn't be growing in my phlox, to the garden in the middle of my lawn...

I also finished putting down my newspaper and straw in the veggie garden. I actually need another bale of straw, but it's about 2/3 covered, so that's something. Every little bit helps -- weeding is a pain. I also discovered about ten "volunteer" tomatoes coming up, so I moved them in with the other billion tomato plants I have. With any luck, I'll actually have a decent crop of tomatoes this year. Last year was cool and wet, and they didn't do well. So far, we've been hot and dry and the garden is thriving.

So... this crazy rain today is actually quite welcome. I'm glad all the plants I moved are getting watered in and that it's not too sunny and hot. Looks like we're actually going to have a cool, overcast weekend.

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I had a dream last night that my neighbors at the end of the street had a farm behind their house: 10 horses (5 mares, 5 foals), 4 llamas, a pile of Nubian goats, tons of chickens... so funny. They are probably the folks least likely to ever have livestock. I often wonder what dreams mean. Though I remember turning to my DH in my dream and saying, "Look! THEY have chickens ... why can't we?"

LOL....

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You Are Sensible

You don't think there's a lot to being successful in life. You like to play by the rules. You are down to earth and practical. You have both feet firmly planted on the ground. People depend on you, and you like to be depended on. Having responsibilities gives you meaning in your life. The traditional things make you happy - friends, family, and work. You have a good life.

What One Word Describes You?

Uh... yep. That's me.

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Um...

Rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains. ~Henry Ward Beecher

My guest blogger for today was unable to appear due to an unexpected death in the family, so I'm a bit caught with my pants down...so to speak.

Worse, we had thunderstorms all night (which thankfully cooled it down -- the "real feel" yesterday was 109) and DD couldn't sleep, so I didn't get to sleep, either. My big concern, Dakota (and her first thunderstorm) turned out to be no worry at all, though she did "oof" twice with the thunder was REALLY loud.

Went out this a.m. to put out the bird feeders, and nearly stepped on a snake. Stupid thing...don't know why it was out. The sun wasn't really up, and it was a bit cool for him. He was quite sluggish, and he's lucky I was the one to find him, not DH. He's safely away for now. EDITED TO ADD: Dru asked what kind of snake, and where exactly was "safely away". He was just a little garter snake, about 18" long, and I carried him out to the woods, a ways back. My DH will kill any snake he sees without hesitation, and these little guys are harmless, so I try to encourage them to make their homes away from mine!

Still haven't caught the vole. I'm going to build a trail, of sorts, to the live trap today. He has two main holes, so I'm going to make only one route from both of them: into the trap. I hope it works.

Recorder lessons were okay -- DD loved them! BUT, we were in the second floor room of a local library and THERE WAS NO AIR CONDITIONING. Did I mention it was 109 degrees yesterday? Dear heavens. We go again tomorrow. Thankfully, the weather will be cooler. I thought I was going to melt away...

Someone on my Crea8Buzz page asked me about my summer writing goals. I got to thinking two things. 1. Am I supposed to have summer writing goals? and, 2. Summer for me, the heat aside, is pretty much the same as winter. That's one of the things about homeschooling and not working outside the home.

But, goals. Hmmm... How about just WRITING something.

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What Marianne Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?